Newsletter 6: a ranty one about white chef charcoal BBQ and Christmas ham
I guess this is how I'm feeling 😅
Quick updates:
Big 2023 show announcement – Woo Hoo! Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast, Canberra, Sydney, Brisbane
Special show for Adelaide Fringe Festival – Ride Queens with Geraldine Hickey
Special newsletter subscriber deals at the end of the newsletter 🥰
Writing a new show!
Soooo excited to announce my new show for 2023 Woo Hoo! I will not be walking out to Blur’s Song 2… I mean, it fits perfectly but I don’t think I’d want to hear that song upwards of forty times this year.
I love this time of year when a lot of comedians are writing new gear. It’s a tough time mentally because before every gig you have to tell yourself you’re going to eat shit and that’s okay.
Testing material can be the best and worst thing. When it works you feel so good that something you’ve been thinking about is funny to other people – and that’s kinda the point of comedy… duh. And then there are times where people just look at you blankly and you’re like okay, I guess that was better in my head.
And sometimes a joke will work the first time – there’s just a magical first-time quality to it and then it will never work again. I’m currently testing and writing so much new stuff and look, not all of it’s great, but early next year you’ll be able to see the jokes that make the cut.
What’s my 2023 show about?
Tough one. I haven’t finished writing it but I can tell you it’s loosely about expectations versus reality and what that has looked like for me in my tiny life so far. SO VAGUE! You’ll just have to come and see.
Summer BBQ is open
Earlier this year I went to Bali and I came back with a compulsion to get a charcoal barbecue. From the simple barbecued corn on the beach – one of life’s truly great pleasures – to the best roadside chargrilled chicken and fish and some humble satay, barbecue is everywhere in Indonesia and the rest of Asia.
Asian BBQ > American BBQ.
There I said it. And I’m not being biassed. Think about it – Korean BBQ, Malaysia’s satay and Japan’s yakitori. All delicious. I will take any of these options over an American grill any day! Asian barbecue deserves its own show – and look, I'm very willing to host it.
One of the best dishes we had was some ikan bakar (fried fish) gutted and cleaned in front of us, put in a fish grill basket and cooked over an open flame which was simply just a barrel cut in half with two wire racks, a big glowing fire and an enthusiastic face. I asked the cook if he could show me how it’s done and he happily obliged.
He quickly sweeped out the inside of the snapper with his trusty cleaver, butterflied the fish, put it in a grilled basket, got out his marinade and used a paint brush to coat it and threw it on the fire. The marinade was a mix of coconut oil, lime juice, chilli and a touch of turmeric.
Ikan bakar is a fairly standard dish in Indonesia and a reminder of how, to me, good food is unpretentious and simple. Give me this any day – accessible, healthy and tasty food for the everyday.
Now, compare this with the high-end Firedoor end of charcoal barbecue. Firedoor was featured on Netflix’s Chef’s Table and has been booked out ever since. We’ve had a voucher for this restaurant for about two years and every time we go to book they say “we’re not taking bookings for three months.” Which is super annoying. Honestly for the price of the dinner you could fly to Bali, stay 5 nights and eat charcoal fish three times a day.
I know I’m dirty because I haven’t been to Firedoor yet even though they have our money. And I know I would enjoy it but I would honestly sit there the whole time thinking about how expensive it is*.
The other thing that annoys me is Firedoor has made cooking over flames such a complex and arrogant technique. It’s the most primal form of cooking and they’ve put this level of unnecessary self importance over the top. I’m probably not articulating this how I want to but it annoys me that a fancy white chef is famous for charcoal barbecue.
Bro, people have been cooking with fire FOREVER and he’s acting like he’s the first person to do it. Yeah it’s fancy, yeah he’s using some 200 day aged beef, yeah he is dedicated to his craft BUT it’s inaccessible and expensive – which to me is the antithesis of cooking over a charcoal flame.
And now there are about 4-5 fancy-ass restaurants in Sydney all run by white guys dedicated to cooking over charcoals. And yes they’ve taken it to the next level but why? It’s like nobody else has thought of charcoal BBQ before! Take me to El Jannah any day.
Guys, every ethnic household in Australia does some form of charcoal cooking. Hot tip: stop blowing on the flame and use a blowdryer.
*Okay, so this bit got a bit ranty. That’s just how it came out.
Christmas foods at Christmas – why?
Why do we have to eat Christmas foods at Christmas? Can’t we just eat our most favourite foods? Give me a Christmas Curry please. Instead we wheel out half a leg of ham like it ain’t no thing. Here’s a huge preserved pig leg for everyone to take a slice off.
Everyone goes mental for ham at Christmas. It’s the cheapest cut of meat and we save that for the most special day? I don’t understand. Per kilo, it’s one of the most affordable meats in the supermarket. It’s about $8 a kilo. This is Christmas! I want prawns, some oysters, a roast beef, a fish, perhaps a customised vegetarian meal. But ham!? That is a strong culinary message to me. A ham tells me mum is tired and she doesn’t want to cook for the whole of January.
Every year my mum would get a ham and every year we’d be eating it right up until Boxing Day. Every time I’d open the fridge I’d be faced with the pale pink ghost of Christmas past. Fried ham, ham sandwiches, ham in fried rice, the dog would be eating ham. Then we forget about the real ham and just have the packet ham all year and by the time December rolls around again we’re like “Oh yeah, get a ham.”
I don’t understand Christmas foods. Apricot balls, rum balls, fruit mince pies! We don’t eat them at any other time and then we get to the Lord’s birth and we say “time to break out the weird foods.”
This includes Christmas pudding such a weird food – a congealed ball of dried fruits. We’ve had a million seasons of Masterchef in this country, we have Meile appliances, we’re still boiling a cake, wrapped in what looks like a bit of nan’s curtain?
I do love pavlova though. A great food and something we eat at all times of the year because it is a nice dessert.
What I’m reading:
Heart Sick by Jessie Stephens – a good page turner. Would be great read for the holidays. It does pull at the heart strings though!
What I’m cooking
Ummm charcoal BBQ! My brother got me a small bbq and I bought this coal chimney which helps light the coals. Dump the coals in the BBQ and start cooking. I used my satay chicken recipe I did for The Cook Up
What I’m watching
White Lotus … obviously
New season Below Deck
Has anyone watched Boiling Point? with Stephen Graham. He’s amazing but I got to the end of the movie and I couldn’t finish it. It reminded me too much of my waiting tables days. So much anxiety!
Special 2023 show deals
Perth Fringe World $21 tickets to Wednesday, Thursday & Sunday shows*
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Melbourne Comedy Festival $5 discount on tickets to Wednesday, Thursday & Sunday shows*
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Sydney Comedy Festival $5 discount on tickets to Wednesday, Thursday & Sunday shows*
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Brisbane Comedy Festival $5 discount on tickets to Wednesday, Thursday & Sunday shows* Click this link to access – link to come – I’ll send this next newsletter!
*Once the allocation of promo tickets is exhausted, tickets will only be available at full price.
She’s ranty alright 😂