Until next time Pig Brothers
This is Hoo’ve Got Mail. I’m a comedian, writer and greyhound lover. I will send thoughts, jokes, videos and photos (nothing sus) to your inbox.
Shameless self promotion
LIVE SHOW: Hoo’s That Girl, August 9, Chatswood, Sydney @6.45pm. This will be the last time I do this show. Come along! And if you saw it and know anyone in Sydney that might like to come along… let them know!
WATCH ME: I’ll be appearing on The Cook Up this Friday as well – for those who can’t see me live.
COOL STORY BRO: I opened for US comic Atsuko last week. Yes, she is super nice and her show is great! She has such a cool cadence and style. Loved watching it from side stage.
Pig Brothers
Warning to my animal people. This story might be a bit gross for you. Go on my instagram and look at videos of my cute dog Owen.
I met two pig chasing brothers in Moree, NSW and I’ve since thought about them multiple times a day; they have a 99-year lease in my head.
The location? After a Melbourne International Comedy Festival roadshow gig at the Moree RSL. A suitably fluorescent establishment, garish patterned carpet, State of Origin paraphernalia and wine prices from the 90s. $5 for a schooner of XXXX Gold? Yes please. We visited five towns on that trip – Inverell, Moree, Gunnedah, Tamworth and Taree. Moree had the scariest motel but the best crowd. It’s a ratio I'm willing to work with. I’m not dissing Moree – it was my favourite stop. But some country towns are fancy. They have batch brew and Beam scooters. Moree had a Coles and a high crime rate.
Post gig, whilst savouring a $5.30 reisling I was approached by Pig Brother #1 (the young brother) he was 18 but he looked 45. He’d seen some things. He’d taken a break from the pokies and pulled up a chair like he was catching up with old mates. He set his three full bottles of beer on the table and settled in for a yarn. In Moree, people buy drinks in threes and they carry the three drinks in just one hand without spilling a drop so they can shake hands, pat shoulders and bash people with the other.
He was wearing a Pig Chasing Australia jumper. If you can buy merch for polo (Ralph Lauren) you bet you can buy it for pig chasing. It’s equal opportunity. I know what pig chasing is and have for a long time. But not everybody at the table knew. If you’re reading this and don’t know, you need to spend some time in the country. Learn some country culture. It’s exactly what it says it is – it’s where groups of guys (I'm sure there are gals who do it too) chase wild pigs and kill them. These are feral pigs that are no good for the land or livestock. There’s a bounty for feral pigs with councils offering cash for every snout and tail. It’s all very legal. Kids in the city recycle cans for cash. In the country, they hunt and kill pigs.
I complimented Pig Brother #1 on his jumper. His eyes lit up. A woman interested in my pig chasing couture. It was a nice jumper. “Mum has a pink one,” he said. He used the in as an opportunity to discuss his piggin’ passion. He also used it as an in to tell us who out of the five comedians was his favourite. Spoiler it’s never the female comedians. He also invited us to the rugby club on the Saturday to hang out but unfortunately we weren’t going to be around. It was Tuesday – that would have meant another 4 nights in the scary motel for one gig. Not a ratio I’m a willing to work with.
Enter Pig Brother #2 – he was 20 and looked like a young 50. “Is he boring you?” he said as he pulled up a seat at the other end of the table. We’re flanked by pig brothers. There’s a new alpha energy at the table coming from both ends. The male comedians have never felt this level of testosterone before. This was different to greenroom alpha energy. He rested his three bottles of Great Northern on the table. He was also wearing his Pig Chasing Australia merch paired with rugby shorts. Classic winter country chic.
And for three beers/45 minutes we got the uninterrupted raw monologue on what it was like to pig chase in Moree. We heard about the dogs they used, the first time they went piggin, how they had to do their chores before they were allowed to go piggin so their mum wouldn’t get angry. One of the comedians showed them a picture of his labrador and PB#2 glanced at it and said “well you’re not taking that piggin, that’s a labrador.” Ahh the labrador, a man’s dog in the city, was just simply pathetic in Moree.
I loved the Pig Brothers. Their energy, enthusiasm and passion for piggin. Sure it sounds like a messed up hobby but they loved it. I loved it. I’m writing about it weeks later. These guys work 6 days a week and then on Sundays they hunt for masculinity… for the environment.
I would love to return to Moree and pitch a new reality show to them – Pig Brothers – a show where city kids who think they’re tough spend a week with the Pig Brothers learning how to chase feral pigs and of course do their chores first! Can you imagine an eshay in his Adidas snap pants and Nike Tiens on cultural exchange? Learning how to jump on a pig and kill it? I think the idea has trotters. Any reality TV producers out there, let’s chat.
Until we meet again, Pig Brothers. Oink oink.
X
What I’m reading
My friend, who is much cooler than me, recommended a IN by Will McPhail – a graphic novel. I guess it’s a romantic comedy? It’s very funny, dark and sad. I cried during this one, which is rare for me in a book but maybe I did because it has pictures. I really like graphic novels – if anyone has recommendations please send them to me.
What I’m watching
The Olympics obviously!! It's taking over my life.
Below Deck Med – new season. OMG drama.
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders – I’ve had ACDC Thunderstruck in my head for weeks